the last time i wrote you
  i did not feed the fish
  i did not wash the dishes
  my clothes
  or my dirty black car     first
  i sat on the edge of the bathroom counter
  for hours
 

 

the last time you wrote me you asked me for a picture

  so i sat as close to the mirror as possible
  and studied     tried to draw my face
  for you
  my hair was shorter than it used to be
  i don't wear sneakers     and beat up jeans
  i don't have glasses anymore
  i don't watch t.v.   or smoke
  and i don't talk on the phone   long distance   for hours
  i'm not there when you need me
  things will never be the same
  and i probably won't see you again ever
  for more than a couple hours at a time
 

 

by the time i had finished the picture
  my left eye was slightly wider than my right
  my lips and smile were huge
  the smile wasn't mine
 

 

that's not me   i thought

  and decided i wasn't going to
  but mailed the picture anyway.